We have much-needed conversations around feminism, patriarchy, and its impact on women. How women fight patriarchy on a daily basis. And finally, we are having a conversation on how toxic masculinity affects the LGBTQ+ community. But there is one topic that is rarely talked about. One that not many even consider. The impact of toxic masculinity on men.
Let us take a step back. Think about the men in your family, particularly the generation before. Father, grandfathers, and uncles. How often did we see them showing any emotion? How often did we see them talk about their insecurities?
Men are socially conditioned to believe that it is not man enough to display emotions. That they would be considered weak if they talked about their fears and disappointments.
Earlier this year, as a part of the Gender Talks conversation for #CauseAChatter, I shared a series of recommendations on feminism and feminist literature. Today I share with you two books about how toxic masculinity impacts men and particularly adolescents. Two books that could not be different from each other. Be it the genre or the demographics it relates to. But books that are an honest reflection of what it means to be a man in today’s world.
Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity
by Justin Baldoni
Buy on Amazon | Add to Goodreads
“… be brave enough to be vulnerable, to be strong enough to be sensitive, to be confident enough to listen”
You may recall Justin Baldoni as Rafael from the CW show Jane the Virgin. A social activist, he spoke about his journey with masculinity in his popular TED talk in 2018. Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity continues the conversation as he explores a range of difficult, sometimes uncomfortable topics including strength and vulnerability, relationships and marriage, body image, sex and sexuality, racial justice, gender equality, and fatherhood.
Although geared towards men, it is a book that is a must-read for everyone. I highly recommend you pick the book, particularly the audiobook narrated by the author himself.
You can catch the TED talk that laid the foundation of the book below.
The Anger of Saintly Men
by Anubha Yadav
Buy on Amazon | Add to Goodreads
Make men out of the boys. How often have we heard this phrase?
The Anger of Saintly Men is the coming-of-age story of three brothers growing up in the 90s. It is an honest look at how it was to grow up in a typical Northern Indian middle-class family during the times. It is still relevant three decades later. A lot may have changed but nothing really has.
Apart from toxic masculinity, the book explores homophobia, misogyny, caste and class politics, and foeticide. It discusses difficult topics that often get brushed under the carpet. Sexual assault, abuse, and more importantly, oppressive parenting. It questions systems that have crushed men’s expectations, desires, and hopes for centuries.
I highly recommend this debut fiction read. A fair warning though. The book can be triggering.
What are your thoughts on the impact of patriarchy on men? Do you have a recommendation for similar books? I would love to check them out. Do share in the comments below.
This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter
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September 24, 2021 @ 7:57 pm
These sound like interesting books that I must give a try.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:48 pm
Do pick them up.
September 24, 2021 @ 7:57 pm
The list of books seems to be unique . Books that talk about reality are rare. And this is an impressive list indeed.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:49 pm
Thanks Sivaranjini. 😊 You are so right. We need more such books by Indian authors.
September 24, 2021 @ 8:01 pm
it is an impressive list indeed and books that talk about reality are rare.
September 24, 2021 @ 10:46 pm
I absolutely loved Justin Baldoni in Jane The Virgin. I wasn’t aware he’s an author too. Thanks for this list. I believe a change can be brought about only through books and other sources of mainstream media.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:50 pm
Thanks Manali 😊. I wish Indian authors explored this more.
September 25, 2021 @ 1:17 am
It is really sad that men are taken so for granted today. Though they deserve this attention as welll
September 26, 2021 @ 4:09 pm
These look absolutely interesting reads. Your review is so balanced.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:52 pm
Thank you Deepika 😊
October 17, 2021 @ 3:51 pm
Exactly Sana. Not all men.
September 25, 2021 @ 10:30 am
The list looks quite interesting and a unique one. Would like to read few of these.
September 27, 2021 @ 6:24 pm
Toxic masculinity is often accompanied by intense bouts of mansplaining! This seems like an interesting list of must reads
October 17, 2021 @ 3:53 pm
So true, Ginia. Do pick them up.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:52 pm
Thank you, Smita 😊
September 25, 2021 @ 5:43 pm
I love how you read varied genres and introduce them to us, Ritu. I loved your suggestions on books based on the Environment and today through this post i learnt something new again. Going to check out these books as well.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:54 pm
Thank you so much, Mayuri, for being such a huge support. 😊 I am glad to be able to bring these books to the forefront.
September 27, 2021 @ 8:51 am
This looks like a book to read to understand a very different perspective. Thank you for the recommendation. #MyepicaReads
September 29, 2021 @ 10:12 am
Glad you addressed this topic. The pressure men face is the same as what women face on day-to-day basis. Patriarchy is two-folded!
October 17, 2021 @ 3:55 pm
Exactly, Charu. And I have seen some from close quarters.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:55 pm
My pleasure, Pratibha 😊
September 27, 2021 @ 4:18 pm
It’s so important to include everyone in the conversation so we can have better, more inclusive solutions because so many of these traits are ingrained in us that we don’t even realize we’re being toxic until someone points it out – or it happens to a loved one.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:56 pm
You are absolutely right, Suchita. We often don’t realize it until it affects someone close.
September 27, 2021 @ 8:04 pm
I am glad to see that the conversation on toxic masculinity has begun and it’s spreading. These books sound like a must-read for everyone. Just watched the Ted Talk too, it’s powerful.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:57 pm
Thank you Neha 😊
September 28, 2021 @ 1:31 am
Makes total sense. It all starts with ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘stop crying like a girl’. Sad, but true. Therefore I let my son cry when he feels like. Need more awareness on such topics.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:58 pm
Exactly Cindy. It is high time we in India talked about this.
September 28, 2021 @ 2:01 pm
These are very interesting books on Toxic Masculanity. I have started reading a book or two inspired by your reading, Ritu. But I have a long way to go.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:59 pm
I am so glad to read that. 😊
September 28, 2021 @ 4:36 pm
Seems like a great book. I am going to read it soon.
October 17, 2021 @ 3:59 pm
Do pick it up.
October 2, 2021 @ 4:23 pm
You always recommend great books with balanced review. These books sounds interesting and I would love to read them. I haven’t read any book based on this topic.
October 17, 2021 @ 4:00 pm
Thank you so much, Abha 😊. Do pick them up.
October 4, 2021 @ 8:02 pm
You have raised a point that I was discussing with my friends yesterday, of how to raise boys who are emotionally mature and will be equal partners later in life.
These two books are making us aware of how toxic masculinity can affect men too.
p.s. I am in awe of the range of books you read.
October 17, 2021 @ 4:01 pm
Thank you so much, Harshita 😊. We need more discussions around this topic
October 4, 2021 @ 10:47 pm
Thanks for the recommendations, and the review for helping us know more about the lovely books
October 17, 2021 @ 4:02 pm
Thank you, Srikanth
October 5, 2021 @ 11:09 am
Toxic masculinity is not just bad for women, it is equally bad for men. Such a beautiful post,
October 17, 2021 @ 4:02 pm
Exactly Priyanka. And very few realize it.
October 6, 2021 @ 6:23 pm
Good ones, I will read
October 17, 2021 @ 4:03 pm
😊